Wedding Guest Etiquette….. Tips to being a Great Guest!!

You’ve just received the invitation!  What a fabulous couple, you can’t wait to attend their spectacular wedding!!  What’s the next step??  How do you make sure you’re the best guest ever??

Sometimes, people do not know how they should behave when attending a wedding. Although most people assume that wedding etiquette is reserved for the bride, her groom and their family members, certain etiquette applies to guests too and starts well before the day of the wedding.

Embarrassing the bride, groom or their family should be avoided at all costs especially during the most important day for the newlyweds. The rules for the guests are much easier to follow and they come naturally to most people. Here are a few tips you should be aware of that will help make you a great wedding guest!
YOUR INVITATION
Each invitation has an RSVP date. Because an accurate count is needed well before the date of the wedding, it wouldn’t do to respond late, even if you don’t plan to attend. Failure to respond in a timely manner is considered rude and disrespectful and can be very stressful to the bride and groom. Many vital decisions are based on the number of guests who will be attending a wedding and it is therefore very important and polite to confirm one’s attendance as soon as you can, to make work easier for the couple and the planners. From meals to décor to the seating list, if the bride and groom don’t have their guest count, many things cannot be finalized and their budget remains in flux. There are enough last minute details they will have to handle, try not to make your RSVP one of them.

 

There are other things to note on the invitation. For instance, if you’re allowed to bring a guest, this will be indicated as “and guest” next to your name on the envelope. If this isn’t indicated, you should assume the host is requesting only the honor of your presence and not that of your guest. It’s very bad manners to show up at the wedding, guest in tow, when you didn’t RSVP for two people. This means the caterer will have to scramble to make sure they have enough meals, and the host will have to pay for that extra meal and place setting after the reception. In addition, if children are invited, this too will be noted on the invitation, either as “and family” next to your name on the envelope, or inside the invitation where children’s names will be notated. If this isn’t the case, assume you’ll need to hire a baby sitter.

YOUR “GO TO” PERSON

Don't assume that the couple to be wed should be your first stop with all your questions simply because it's their wedding. Not sure where they're registered for gifts? Wondering about which hotel to stay at? Will there be transportation? Need to know if there will be a babysitter at the wedding reception?..….. Don't pick up the phone and immediately call the bride or groom -- chances are, they've got enough wedding stress of their own. First try the bridesmaids and groomsmen, or the couple's parents. Find out if the couple has a wedding website (look on the invitation), which could very well have all the information you need. If you still have no luck, it's okay to contact the couple -- just make sure you've tried other avenues first.
YOUR ATTIRE

When you’re picking out your wedding day wardrobe, do try to be respectful to the bride and groom. Traditionally, only a bride wears white to a wedding. For another guest to show up in white is disrespectful, no matter how cute the dress is.

On the other hand, in the case of a beach destination wedding, it is often requested that all the guests wear only white. Be mindful of the wishes of the bride and groom. If they have requested all white, this is not the time to let your unique personality shine and wear your new fabulous red outfit…. leave that for your own wedding where you’re setting all the rules.            

Black is also considered disrespectful in some cultures. Although these days it is very acceptable to wear black, you’ll still want to check with the bridesmaids or the couples’ parents to make sure you’re not wishing bad luck for the bride and groom, before you choose this color. It’s probably best to err on the side of caution and wear something a little more colorful if you’re not sure. Keep in mind as well, that black can be a very hot color to wear in a tropical destination or a summer outdoor wedding.

Always take the location of the ceremony into consideration. For instance, if the ceremony is held inside a church, it is often considered disrespectful to bare ones shoulders or wear something considered risqué. Make sure you check the rules, regulations, customs and traditions.

YOUR ACCOMODATIONS
No matter how far you've traveled to attend a wedding, the couple isn't required to pay for your hotel -- or even let you crash on their couch. Many couples will reserve blocks of hotel rooms to get a good rate for their out-of-town guests, but don't expect them to foot the bill. If you're not sure where to stay, ask a member of the bridal party for recommendations.

THE CEREMONY
The first rule is getting to the wedding on time. All wedding invitation cards indicate the time the wedding ceremony is scheduled to start and as a guest it is your responsibility to arrive on time, actually at least 15 minutes before the ceremony time is the rule of thumb. Arriving just as the bride is walking to the front of the church or ceremony location is a big NO-NO! If you are late, stand in the rear of the wedding location and watch from afar. Walking down the aisle after the bride and shuffling around trying a find a seat is a HUGE faux pas!

                                     

Another simple wedding rule to remember is silence. The only noise to be heard should be as directed by the officiate in order to treat the wedding ceremony with sanctity. This act of silence shows the deserved reverence and also creates a sense of order for the event itself. In addition, it is important to follow the leads of other guests or the officials if the ceremony requires guests to sit and stand during the ceremony. 

Even though we always see wedding guests snapping away during the ceremony, in reality it’s considered bad manners to take pictures. Even worse is getting in the way of the professional photographer and/or videographer to get “that perfect shot”. The bride and groom have hired a professional for a reason and it is very important to them that you don’t interfere with the professionals doing their jobs. The photographer will have copies you might want to purchase later, or you can wait until after the ceremony is over…you can take all the pictures you want at the reception!
YOUR SEATING
At the reception it’s likely you will have assigned seating. Your hosts have taken the time to see that you will be seated with people you know or are at least compatible with. If you’ve never made the acquaintance of some of the people at your table, start off the evening by making introductions. Before long, you’ll all be chatting like old friends. 
Changing seats or even worse, tables, is considered disrespectful to your hosts. They have planned every detail carefully and have thoughtfully seated guest where they have for a reason. Also, changing places can wreak havoc with the dinner service. The caterer will have been given a schematic of all the tables and where every guest is seated. They know, seat by seat, who gets the fish and who gets the chicken, that the guest at table 6, seat 5 is allergic to nuts and there are vegetarians at table 1, 2 and 3 in seat 3, 7 and 9 respectively. Changing places and/or tables can end up resulting in guests getting the wrong meal and being unhappy…. or even worse. It’s not something the bride and groom need to deal with on the happiest day of the lives.

In the same vein, make sure you remember which meal you chose on the RSVP that you sent back to the couple. The bride and groom have only ordered and paid for a set quantity of each entree according to what was pre-ordered by their guests. Changing your selection during dinner service not only confuses things it may also mean that another guest will not receive the entree they ordered because it was given to you.

The caterer receives a list from the bride and groom with the names of each guest and the meal that they ordered. This list is used by the wait staff during dinner service. If you feel there was an error on the list and you did not order what it says, or you’ve just decided that you want something different from what you ordered, instead of causing a commotion and interfering with the rhythm of the dinner service (as well as stressing out the bride and groom) wait until all the tables have been served and then speak to your waiter, the wedding planner or the caterer about a possible entree change. Generally the caterer prepares a little extra of each entree and will be more than happy to accommodate you.

YOUR BEHAVIOUR

Be mindful of speeches and announcements and the first dances. Guests conversing amongst themselves while something important is going on is not acceptable behavior.

Watch your alcohol consumption….everything in moderation. An open bar is fabulous but it’s no reason to overindulge and there’s nothing more apt to ruin the day for the bride and groom than a drunken and unruly wedding guest. Guests should show the newlyweds that they are happy for them but they should not embarrass them while doing it.

AND LASTLY….

The most important rule of attending a wedding is to enjoy the day!! Leave your worries, gripes and moods on the doorstep! The bride and groom planned this special day in celebration of a joyous affair and took their guests’ comfort and entertainment into heavy consideration. Be respectful, be polite and be a good guest and everyone will have a wonderful and memorable time!!!

Now test your skills…..Here’s a link to The Knot and their “Are You a Great Wedding Guest” Quiz….. Have fun!!

Create My Own Music Playlist….. Where do I start?

The more important music is to you, the more important it is to have the music at your wedding be exactly what you want to hear and be played exactly when you want to hear it.  You’re in total control and don’t have to rely on the musical stylings of a DJ you probably have never met…. as would generally be the case in most tropical destination weddings.

A big trend I’ve noticed over the last few wedding seasons is that more and more couples are making their own reception music playlists.  It can be a great idea, a lot of fun picking and choosing your songs AND be a money saver as you’ll no longer need a full blown DJ.  A professional sound system and a sound engineer to set everything up and make sure it all plays and runs smoothly is all you need…. then you and your guests can trip the light fantastic into the wee hours.

Creating a reception playlist from scratch however, can seem a little overwhelming to some folks. What's the first step? Where do I start?

First I would recommend that you try not to think of it as one giant list. Instead break it down into smaller ones, like you do folders on your IPOD:

· Ceremony (for your processional and recessional music)
· Cocktail Hour
· Dinner Music
· Special Songs (first dance, father/daughter, mother/son, cake cutting, garter toss, etc.)
· Dance/Party

The beauty of having these lists is that not only is everything organized and broken down into manageable bundles, the vibe inside each folder is consistent as well. You can just pick one, hit shuffle, and let the iPod do its thing.

You should start building your playlists 2 or 3 months before the wedding, so you aren’t rushing with everything at the last minute. The classics and favorites will come to mind easily, but other songs will take time. The list doesn't have to be set in stone, you can add and take out songs anytime you want…it’s your playlist… If a new hot song pops up, you can always throw it in at the last minute, even the day before the wedding.

The mood for each folder should be different. The cocktail hour music should be laid back, mood setting music; upbeat, romantic, jazzy or indie, Frank Sinatra or Kings of Leon… whatever makes you happy. Remember, the music at this point in the reception is not focused at getting people dancing and should not be too loud. It should be a good backdrop for people mingling and getting to know one another after the ceremony.

The dinner list should feel a little softer, since people will be chatting with their table mates and won’t want to be yelling across a table to be heard. Plus, more than likely the speeches will be given sometime during dinner, so the lead music should be appropriate.

Last but not least is the dance list. You'll definitely want uplifting beats that let everyone know it's time to party. Classic dance songs that everyone knows mixed with more contemporary party songs is the best way to go at a wedding. Remember, you’ll have people of all ages attending your wedding; your grandparents, your parents, your friends and your little nieces and nephews. Having a dance music list that has something for everyone and is appropriate for all attending is the perfect way to ensure your wedding will be a memorable one!

 

Some tips to remember to make the music at your wedding a success:

· To guarantee a good mix the rule of thumb is seven fast songs to one slow song: The slow songs are a chance for the lovebirds to dance and the singles to catch their breaths.

· Unfortunately, you can never count on technology, so it's always a good idea to have a backup plan and be ready for the “worst case scenario”. Definitely have either another iPod or your laptop on hand with the exact same playlist…. you never know!

· Remember that a wedding isn't a concert. During cocktails and dinner, the music should blend into the background - people are going to be chatting, so it shouldn't overwhelm them. When it's time to dance, crank it up loud. Of course, you always need to check with your venue as well. They may have specific restrictions regarding volume and hours.

· Most importantly….. don’t be nervous about using your iPod or laptop as a sound system! You can still get that high-energy, dance-party vibe when you plug into a professional sound system and most importantly….. you’ll LOVE every song that is played!

How Wedding Savvy are You?

Now that you’re engaged and starting to plan your big day, you probably have a ton of questions!! 

Who, traditionally arranges the transportation from the Ceremony to the Reception?…...

What is the difference between fondant and butter cream?……

When should you send out your Thank You notes?……

Here are a couple of fun quizzes, courtesy of Martha Stewart, Weddings, to answer those some of questions and more….. let’s see how you do!!

Click here to Test your WEDDING ETIQUETTE IQ 

Click here to Test your WEDDING CAKE IQ   

Set the Tone with the Cocktail Hour

The cocktail hour of your wedding may not be the first thing you think about as you’re rushing about planning all the details of your big day, but for many guests, that hour or so that they spend mingling and sipping refreshing beverages and nibbling on gourmet appetizers is one of the best parts of the night.

The cocktail hour kicks off the celebration and sets the tone for the rest of the reception.  It’s the perfect time to get really creative!  Bring in different music, fun entertainment, signature drinks or exotic cuisine and let your personalities shine through.  Here are a couple of easy tips on how to get the flow of your space right and how to make the cocktail hour at your tropical destination wedding a huge success!   
   

Create a Separate Open Layout

Walking out of a lovely ceremony area only to find yourself ushered directly into the dinner area, stuck amongst a sea of tables and chairs with guests searching for their seats from table to table, can be  a quick mood killer. Try to make the atmosphere more about mingling, relaxing and celebrating, by creating a separate space for your cocktail hour, away from the dinner tables, free of potential roadblocks……..and have the appetizers and drinks flowing!         

Get Everyone their First Drink Quickly

At Weddings Vallarta by Barbara, the minute the ceremony is over and guests begin to enter the cocktail area, we like to have servers ready and stationed with trays of Margaritas, Rum Punch, bottled water, wine, beer, and signature cocktails so guests can grab a drink and move on.  This avoids a bottle-neck at the bar and everyone can relax with a refreshing beverage quickly and at the same time.  For the same reason,  we find it best not to set up a drink station right near the entrance.                                                    

                    

Divide the Responsibility

If your guest list is big, In addition to your main bar, we like to situate one or even two satellite bars at opposite corners of the room, serving only wine, beer, and soda. This way, guests who want just a glass of wine or a quick beer can get fast service.  

Pass the Appetizers

Setting up appetizer stations can create more crowding than convenience.  Instead, rely mainly on servers to get food to guests so they don’t have to take time away from mingling and interesting conversation to get themselves a bite to eat.  We like to do mostly passed appetizers and set up just a couple of placed appetizer areas where people can pick up a bite of cheese or some fresh guacamole and chips….things that don't require a plate or a fork. 

     

Lounge Areas with Entertainment

There’s nothing nicer to set the mood of a stellar reception than a lovely and comfy lounge area, designed with your wedding esthetic in mind.  A few small couches with throw pillows in your wedding colors; cocktail tables, some high some low,  with small vases of fresh flowers; and of course, some ambient lighting and candles and you’ve created the perfect place for guests to rest their drinks, and themselves, in style.  Having some live music, like a Spanish guitar duo or a Jazz trio or even a lively Mariachi band is a wonderful finishing touch to make your cocktail hour entertaining and memorable!

  

2011 Top Wedding Trends

Now that we’re a couple of months into 2011 and focusing whole heartedly  on wedding planning and design for this season, I thought it’d be a good time to take a refresher look at what the hot trends for weddings are this year.  

Here are OneWed's top 10 trends for 2011, and I have to say, it seems to be spot on with what our couples are telling us they want and what we’re seeing at our Weddings Vallarta by Barbara destination weddings this year!  I’ve also included photos from some of our more recent weddings to give you some fabulous visuals!

1. Sophisticated Elegance Returns
It’s back to basics with elegant, sophisticated style in 2011. Wedding decor will be simple and understated, with modern design elements trumping DIY touches. Scripted calligraphy, custom monograms, and classic wedding cakes embody this trend. Brides will wear pearls, and grooms will ditch the Converse in favor of more tasteful wedding day kicks.

2. Outdoor Venues- Where It’s At
Couples tying the knot in 2011 will gravitate toward outdoor ceremony and reception venues. The raw, minimal backdrop of an outdoor setting leaves room for personalization and customization, a major perk for creative, hands-on nearlyweds. Lakeside venues, vineyard locations, spaces situated alongside sprawling mountains (or for an WVB destination wedding….. beaches, beaches, beaches) will dominate, and they’ll be spruced up with personalized touches that represent the bride and groom.

 

3. Grey is the New Black, Crazy for Navy
Gloomy no more, grey is the neutral IT color for 2011 weddings. Organic and natural, shades of charcoal, dove, stone, oyster and shell will be incorporated liberally into wedding color palettes and paired with vibrant hues to make the colors pop! And while grey remains the talk of the town for 2011, navy blue (and other deep blues) are definitely on-trend for the coming year. Wonder if Prince Will’s royal wedding has anything to do with the crazy for navy trend… what do you think?

  

4. Mad for Metallics & Bold Color Palettes
Whether it’s two bright hues with a metallic accent, or several metallic shades used together, brights and metallics will be popular choices for wedding color palettes in 2011. Gilded gold, shimmery silver, and sparkling champagne will used alone or with accents of yellow, purple or teal. And since metallics make such a bold statement on their own, couples will scale back over-the-top decor in favor of a more restrained style aesthetic.

5. Big Ball Gowns are Back
Dramatic ball gown wedding dresses floated down 2011 bridal catwalks in droves. Wedding dress designers draped, ruched, and layered clouds of tulle, power netting, and chiffon to fashion wedding dresses with limitless volume. The outcome? Fairytale-inspired bridal style and whimsical wedding dresses for 2011 “I Dos”.

6. Grooms Take a Walk on the Stylish Side
Grooms are taking a stand in the name of fashion. Their tux choices will no longer be dictated by some “rent 5, get 1 free” deal. Instead, they’ll chose formal looks that represent their unique style. Bow ties will replace classic long neck ties, and embroidered dress shirts, engraved cufflinks, stylish lapel pins and the color of the season- grey- will grace the white aisles.

7. Wedding Invitations Go Green
The green weddings movement continues full speed ahead in 2011. From totally paperless wedding invitations and save-the-dates, to stationery printed on 100% recycled paper, invitations have truly gone green. Couples can find all they need with sites like WeddingPreParty (enabling online RSVP and party planning) and Nearlyweds.com (offering coordinating stationery and wedding websites).

8. Luxurious Textures– from the Dress to the Tablescape
Luxe textured fabrics will bring a sumptuous, opulent vibe to 2011 weddings. Wedding dresses will feature 3D applique, layered light fabrics (tulle, lace, chiffon), romantic ruffles, oversized florals, and illusion fabric with eye-catching beading. Textured linens will be layered to dress up reception tables, chair covers may be embroidered or beaded, and branchy centerpieces and floral arrangements will captivate wedding guests.

 

9. Ethnic Influences, Cultural Wedding Details
At long last, brides and grooms are embracing and showcasing their unique cultural traditions and ethnicity. Whether it’s a religious wedding ceremony ritual, traditional wedding day garb, cultural cuisine infused throughout the reception dinner, or wedding decor with bold, ethnic prints, you can’t help but embrace the unique cultures and ethnicities of couples in 2011.

 

10. Revved-Up Wedding Receptions
Who wants the best day of their lives to end? Not couples and guests in 2011, that’s for sure! Couples will plan a post-reception after party lasting into the wee hours of the night with drinks, entertainment, dancing, and snacks so that wedding guests can party all night long!

Please share your thoughts! What do you love, what would you leave, and what are you planning for your wedding?

Post a comment below!